The smallest things

Today was a double header., First we had Tony' s and my therapy session. Initially they were for Tony, but his doctor has requested that I join them. So I have gone with him three times now, I believe. Anyway, it always gets fairly intense rather quickly, more so for him, and it is quite draining. Usually we schedule his appointment on Thursday, but were unable to do so this week. 

After the session, he was already getting a headache, from crying and opted to not go to group today. I went along anyways, with Tony asking me to extend his sincere apologies for not coming and why. 

Today we listened to a song that one of the group members brought with her. It is called "We are the survivors", and it is a truly beautiful, emotional song. I could tell that everyone was moved by the song. Then our facilitator, Julie gave out the handouts she usually gives at the end of group, to give us a chance to compose ourselves a little.

She had four candles in front of her, and we all read the poem together, pausing for each candle to be lit in between each verse. It was very moving. 

Then came the time for our usual sharing. I was the first to go, and I have to admit that I am already shaky emotionally, as Jennifer's one year Angel Anniversary is coming faster and faster. I was quite a bit more emotional today...I miss Jennifer so very much, and I am engulfed with pain. 

I told the group about a commercial I had seen a day before, about crescent rolls. Sounds silly probably, but to me, it brought memories of Jennifer always requesting them each Thanksgiving. It made me cry to think about never hearing that request again. 

Sometimes, that is all it takes, to bring you to your knees...some small little thing, that only would mean something to me, and her.  Most of the time, it is the smallest things that hurt the most.