Yesterday, a dear friend of my daughters, Rachel sent me a text message, just checking up on us to see how we were doing. She has been thinking about Jennifer a lot lately.
Occasionally I will have some of Jennifer's friends reach out to me, just touching base, it is so sweet that they still think of her, and that they think about me also, and I love to hear from them. Yes, sometimes it is painful, but I still wouldn't have it any other way. When they contact me, I am sure they wonder to themselves if I am ok with them doing so, I try to reassure them that I am very, very happy to hear from them. I do like to talk with them about Jennifer, how she touched their lives, and still continues to do so.
I was texting with Rachel, and then suddenly t mobile started acting all stupid and wouldn't send a longer text, so I sent a short one and asked for her email. She and I have sent several email's back and fourth in the last couple of days. Rachel was gracious enough to send me a copy of a few emails that she and Jennifer had exchanged. Reading the ones that Jennifer wrote, I could almost hear her voice. I knew the ones from Jennifer instantly, and they made me smile. She loved her friends so very much, and with every email or text it is very, very apparent that she loved (and still loves) Rachel very much.
We have asked a few of her friends, and some of our family members to let us know if they ever have any dreams or signs from her, to let us know. Rachel had a dream of Jennifer last night and she told me about it today. She saw Jennifer's presence in our home, but in the form of a toddler crawling around. Rachel said that it made her smile because she appeared more like her adult self (her hair dyed black) and that she felt strongly that Jennifer's presence was trying to reach her Daddy. Rachel mentioned twice how strongly she felt that Jennifer was trying to reach out to her Daddy specifically. As I was reading this, my husband came home, and as is familiar since her death, he was getting choked up, (he usually does as soon as he gets home, as her presence is so strong here, as well as the fact that her room is still unchanged from the last time she was in it.) So I read him what Rachel had written. It seemed to help a little, for which I am grateful.
He still struggles every day with not knowing if she is alright and if he will see her again. But Jennifer was the exact same way he is, in respect to what happens after death. That is mostly what he repeats to me over and over again. That Jennifer and he were so much alike, and thought so much alike as well. They even had conversations about if and when either of them died, and they had been wrong about their assumptions about life after death, that the one who had passed would find some way of letting the other know, hey we were wrong, there is more after death. He is still waiting for his "no doubt sign" from her. He tells me that Jennifer knew and knows how he thinks, as she was pretty much an exact copy of him, and that she knows how skeptical he is, as was she. And he is right about that. They were almost carbon copies of each other....same sense of humor, same analogical thought process, same taste in music, etc.
So I talk to Jennifer about this and ask her to please find some way to tell her Daddy she is OK and he will be with her again, and that she is with him now also.
Every night before he goes to bed, he goes into her room, by himself.
I know that she sees all this and she is in that room with him when he is in there. I also know that she is showing him things, leaving him signs, trying to reach him to tell him everything will be ok. I know this because I know she is with us.
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