We have been in two support groups, and the one we are in now meets weekly. What good it speed aren't yet sure of. Each meeting is met with yet more tears, and I do feel safe there to really pour out my emotions, of whatever has or is happening in my life at that time. Here we are with others who are on the same terrible journey that we are on. Some have had a more recent exposure to this terrible nightmare, and others are a little further along then we, and still others are much farther along.
But no matter the distance in time, we all shed the same tears. This grief process is very difficult, and the road ahead seems darker and more dense than the road we have already traveled. How can it be, that up ahead this path seems like it is going to be more difficult?
Daily, we shed still more tears. From this bottomless ocean of pain and sorrow.
Is this then what our life is to be? Nothing but unrelenting pain for whatever time we have left on this earth. My husband is so lost in his grief. I sometimes cannot bear to see it upon his face.
He made a statement today, that I have known for sometime now. He said that his mother gave him many things as he was growing up, material things. But, he finally said today, that she never gave him the emotional things, that was needed more than the material things. Raising your child, the emotional things are so much more important.
Thus, he has no bedrock upon which he can draw from, especially now, as he and I grieve for Jennifer. I don't know if what I am saying makes any sense or not...I am also lost right now myself in my own ocean of grief.
My upbringing wasn't perfect, but my parents did give me a strong bedrock of emotional support, which I draw from daily. It could never have prepared me for this, but how can anyone be prepared for this pain. Even those parents whose children are very ill, with life threatening illnesses, cannot ever be prepared for this.
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