Raining today

Woke up this morning and the sun was out just a little. To be perfectly frank, I generally don't watch the news anymore, unless it happens to be on in some doctors office waiting room. I don't get out of the house too much lately, as a rule, except for support group, doctor's appointments, or running to the store. So I find out about the weather when I wake up. 

It started raining a little while ago, which kind of perfectly suits my mood lately. I try to read a lot, as that tends to take my mind off of things.  I think someone once told me, when I was a little girl, that the rain is teardrops from heaven. Well I can definitely relate to that.  My tears are for my Jennifer, and for my husband, Tony.

Yesterday was very trying, and today doesn't appear to be starting out much better. I constantly seem to have a very large lump in my throat, trying to hold back my tears. I miss my baby girl so very much. I still, almost a year later, ask myself, how can she be gone?! 

I am praying a lot now, usually several times a day, and I found out that Tony also is doing the same. We still always say our nightly prayers together, before he goes to bed. I hope and pray that God is listening. 

The very worst thing that could have ever happen to us, happened on December 5th, 2012. I no longer fear death. Or I should say, we, no longer fear death. Tony has told me often, he doesn't like this life anymore. I agree with him. 

We pray each night for God's blessings and comfort and His love for our families, and for our second family, each and every one of the wonderful people we met as strangers in our support group, who quickly became our friends, and that we now consider our family. 

I also always include all my sister's from my Red Hat group, the Desert Stars. These wonderful, special ladies help me in ways I could never adequately explain.

Well, it appears that the rain is going to continue today. Both outside, and inside. Since that terrible day that we lost the most precious gift ever given to us, my heart will always be crying tears of anguish.