This week I will be having my back surgery done, and one of the biggest things that I am looking forward to is being able to get off of, or at least drop the dosage on, is a particular medication that I was placed on to help with the numbness in both of my feet. As with a lot of medication, it has multiple uses for a variety of conditions. When I mentioned to my doctor that I was concerned with the high dosage, he said it was it was therapeutic and would also help with depression. From Jennifer's death. All I know is that it makes me feel numb all the time, and I hate it.
Tony is very worried. About something happening to me during the surgery, or after. He has so much stress and anxiety already, and though I try to reassure him that I am going to be fine, he can't stop worrying. It is going to be a long surgery, and I worry about him. I asked my parents to come and see me before they take me back to the OR, and that then I want them to go home. They don't need to sit there for hours waiting, Tony will update them when he knows something.
I am not really worried about the surgery myself, just not looking forward to the first few days afterwards, when the pain will be at it's worse. Any improvement over the pain that I now experience will be worth it.
At a time like this I can't help but think about Jennifer more. She would be such a help in the days after the surgery. She would be telling me how she and Daddy would be going to take care of me, and that fills me with longing. I miss her so very much. I know she will be with me and taking care of me from where she is. But it isn't the same...I long to hold her, to feel her in my arms once again.
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