Problems

Lately I feel like I am walking in quicksand, or I guess a better description would have to be sinking in quicksand. Tony was in bed the other night and I had stayed up later, so I could talk to my sister, when she got home from work. As our conversation was coming to a close I suddenly heard a loud thud coming from my bedroom. As I am running to the bedroom I am quickly telling my sister that I would call her later and tossed my phone on the dresser...Tony was laying on the floor, between the bed and the dresser. He said was just going to the bathroom and tripped. I am asking him what hurts, as I look over his body, most especially concerned about his back...he is just two and a half weeks post operative from his surgery on his back. 

He said the only thing that hurt was his left ankle. I am asking him if he needs an ambulance, and as he says no, he doesn't need to go to the hospital, I am wondering to myself how in the hell I am going to help him get back up on the bed, because of my own back problems, he starts to try and move a little to try and stand up. I immediately told him to wait a minute, and I helped him bend each of his legs up, so they are bent at the knees. I checked his legs and ankles for any swelling. Then I straddled him and had him put his arms around my neck, and as I pulled, he used his bent legs to help push himself upright. We somehow managed to get him standing upright, and then I sat him on the bed. I kept asking him how he had fallen, and all he could tell me was that he was getting up to go to the bathroom, and then found himself on the floor.

Thankfully, he said his back didn't hurt at all, but he had a couple of abrasions, one on his lower leg below his knee and another on his shoulder. He went into the bathroom and then I helped him get back into bed. After it was all over I figured he just wasn't fully awake, and maybe he had gotten tangled up in the covers on the bed.

This all seemed perfectly reasonable to me, but I then started keeping an eye on him whenever he first got up, and I noticed he kind of stumbled a few more times, and almost fell a couple of times. This kind of frightened me a little...

I worry about him so much. He is still so tormented with pain over Jennifer's death. He needs to see a therapist, so I am going to ask his psychiatrist for some names when we go to see him on Thursday.

I just have to keep pushing him, or he will literally give up...I can see this struggle in him. He doesn't want to leave me, but his need to be with Jennifer is strong. I have to help him find her. He so wants to believe in the afterlife, but he doesn't really believe in God. I will try to help him find the God that I know...