You should be here

You should be here, not gone forever in this life. It was always the three of us, against the world, against anything that came our way, whether it was joyfulness, sadness, or anything else. We always had each other. It was always US, through the very good times, and yes through the very bad times too. It was always US together.

But now you are gone. There is a huge whole in our life. It was never supposed to be like this. Daddy always said he would probably be the first to go. Not because he wanted too, but because of all the chemicals he worked around when he cleaned carpets. That's when he had the two jobs, he also always wanted us to have whatever we wanted or needed. 

Looking back, we needed him more than him working so hard for us...we took all he gave to us for granted, and now he looks back on it as stolen moments for him from us. I guess no one won in the end.

But you should be here. We miss you everyday, and it still seems like yesterday. When you left us. 

This isn't right, our whole world has tilted on it's Axis....there is no more of us against the world. Now it  is just Daddy and me, sharing the same space we always shared with you. But now it is only emptiness and pain that we share. Our love for you we also share, and I truly don't know how we manage to get up every day, to go through the motions of existing. That's all we are doing now. Existing. 

You should be here.

All the tears that flow from our eyes are always for you. The pain we endure everyday is all for you. We both have a physical piece of you that we wear daily...we never take your ashes off. To do so would be like putting you away in a box somewhere. We will never do that. You will always be with us in that way, but you should still be here.

I don't know if we can make it on this path Jennifer. It hurts all the time. I didn't know such pain existed.  I don't know how a human body can stand this pain. It is endless and always with us. 

That is all we have left of you right now, but I imagine a day when it won't be like this, when all we will remember is all the love you brought into our lives. I hope that day will come, but right now all we have are questions of why you had to leave us. We weren't perfect, I don't know of a family that is. But with you with us it always felt perfect.

We mourns you all the time, and every thought of you always comes with pain, because you should be here.