It gets worse everyday

This terrible, terrible pain and loss gets worse everyday. There is nothing but unrelenting pain. This is how we will live out the rest of our lives. Tony goes into her room and cries so much. But she is everywhere here. We don't even have to go into her room because she is everywhere...pictures on the walls, that I have decided it wouldn't make a difference if I took them down or not. Because if they were taken down I think it would just be more obvious that they were missing then if I left them up. We would still see them there where they are, if they were there or not.

He is spiraling downwards again. He has broken down at least three or four times today alone. The emptiness and pain grow more unbearable everyday. We go to bed earlier and earlier, trying to escape. I don't really know or care if what we are doing is the right way or not. Is there a right way to deal with this? Or a wrong way? Who is to say. Everyone grieves in there own way I have heard over and over again. If escape is what gets us through the day right now, that that is what we have to do. 

I know only one thing right now, and that is that we will never again have happiness in our lives again. Not the kind we.had with Jennifer. Every single memory, good or bad is tinged with pain. There is no thinking about Jennifer without pain. Pain at what once was, pain at what can never be again.