One day at a time

Every book, every Facebook group for parents who have suffered a loss of their child, every support group, all tell you to just take one day at a time. But when you are grieving, sometimes one day at a time feels like an eternity. And each morning, when we open our eyes to a new day, it is just one more day without Jennifer.

Each and every night when I close my eyes, after saying my prayers, or what I prefer to call it... my nightly conversation with God, and then with Jennifer, I can't help but to ask Him to please not leave us here on earth for too long. To please take Tony and I to be with Jennifer again, sooner, rather than later. Neither one of us, when we look ahead to the emptiness that awaits us can bear to think of the empty, long years ahead.

I hope that God will be merciful and not leave us here, in the wasteland that our lives are now, and will be until we are reunited with our beloved Jennifer. I can't begin to imagine the long empty years ahead of us. When I pause to think about the empty years ahead, my heart breaks a little more.

The only other thing that I have asked for, is for Him to please take us both together, at the same time. So that the one left behind, doesn't have to go through, what I imagine would be hell here on earth. The very thought scares me to death.

Tony is still pretty much the same. It never gets any better for him. In fact it only seems to get worse everyday. My heart bleeds for him everyday. He is in so much pain, and this one day at a time thing, doesn't seem to help. It's just another day without our Jennifer.

Every week we go to group, and now every week we are now also going to a therapist. I look for books all the time, that might help us in some way. We are trying.

We miss you Jennifer, every second of everyday. I promise that we will keep trying. And as I do every night, I ask that you keep trying too. To reach your Daddy, to help him find some kind of peace. To keep doing what I know you are trying to do. I know you will reach him, I have complete faith in you. He just needs that one no doubt sign from you. He desperately needs to know that his little girl is OK, and that he will be with you again. We love you and miss you so very much! 

Take care, my Angel. Always know you will always be loved and desperately missed.