Why is this getting harder?

Tony seems to be getting worse and worse everyday. We are going to our support group meetings, every week. One of the ladies in group told me about a website that I hadn't heard about, and showed me a small pin that the group, called Grief Haven, has. The way the website explained it, was that there are symbols all across the globe that show when someone or a family is in mourning, a black armband, certain garb that is worn, certain colors, a torn garment or even certain colors of the clothes that are worn for a certain amount of time, etc. However, the article goes on to say, that here in the U.S., while there are a variety of symbols with different colors that represent certain cancers, or the camouflage that people wear in support of our troops, yellow ribbons, pink ribbons, etc there isn't one for grief. 

If you see someone with bandages, casts, stitches, or even missing limbs you know that that person has been through a personal tragedy of some kind, and people tend to be more thoughtful, more helpful , more cautious around people, mindful of their injuries, as we should be. We will open doors, lend a helping hand, be more respectful. Again, as we should be. 

However, those of us that are grieving, our wounds, our injuries are not so visible. We look fine on the outside, but on the inside, this is a different matter entirely. We too are suffering, we too have deep wounds, though not so readily apparent. 

Grief Haven had a pin created that shows an upside down heart that represents a heat in grief, the scrolls at the bottom point of the heart are an ancient symbol of love, and at the top of the upside down heart, are three diamond shapes that represent hope. The pin is in black and silver and is the Grief Haven foundation symbol. 

I received my pin along with my packet, called "The packet of hope." I haven't read all the information yet, it's a lot to go through, and though it describes pretty much everything that we are experiencing now, and since Jennifer's death, it is also painful to read. The wounds are still open and raw.

Tony found a particular paragraph, within our packet of hope, that refers to "your mind being the greatest video camera of all time, so it might have recorded traumatic experiences of what happened with or to your child, that replays and in your head continuously in an endless loop",  and how it would be great if we could hit the "stop or delete button", but our minds don't work that way. It goes on to explain that GriefHaven has devised a simple, basic exercise that can help stop these painful, looping thoughts. We emailed right away for more information on learning more about it.

We are still in the "infant" time period of our grief. Everything is painful. But we are trying.