I don't know what to do anymore

I won't let this happen anymore. I won't let him bring your beautiful memory down. I can't let him sit around here and be unable to believe in you, and believe in God, because he can't make up his mind if he wants to believe in the afterlife and Heaven. I won't live like this anymore. If I have to go and live with my sister in Arizona, then I will, she has already said he and I would both be welcome, but now it's to the point where I don't know if we can make it through this anymore. If he and I can make it together through this.. I never, ever believed that we wouldn't be a team in this terrible tragedy that life has left us to try and recover from. 

But it is hard to battle against someone from his past, present and future. I can't fight that. But I guess I have too. I started this post last night when I was and angry and upset. I love my husband. When we took our marriage vows I meant the for better or worse with my whole heart, and I know he did too. There have been many, many " for better or worse " along the way. We have been married for almost 28 years come this October. But we have been together "for better or worse" since 1980, when we met. I was 17, when we met that summer, he was 20. By October of that year, we were exclusively seeing only each other. Back then, I guess you would call it going steady. I knew then, I would spend the rest of my life with this man. We had a breakup when I turned 21. But less than six months later, not only were we back together, we were engaged. We married in October of 1985. 

Now, as of 12/05/12 we have come to the worst part of for "better or worse". The.loss of our only child. They say, in many of the pamphlets I have read that many marriages don't survive a trauma like this, and yes, there have been many times, it probably would have been easy to just say I'm done. But, I won't do that...say I'm done, because his arms around me still are the one that I still want around me. And in his arms I still find the comfort and strength that I/we need. 

So there you have it...one part post written in despair and a great deal of anger,  and the other part written from the truth I still feel in both my heart and my head.