In two days it will be seven months. Seven months since my last text message from Jennifer. She last text me at 11:05 on December 5th, 2012. I still have that last text on my phone, saved on my SIM card. It is my last tangible link to her before I heard those terrible words from Tony that evening. "She's not breathing!". All the way to the hospital I prayed over and over, please God, not my baby. When I got there she was already gone.
How can time go so slow and yet so fast at the same time? She still consumes our every thought. Her bedroom is still exactly as she left it that day...nothing is changed. We still ask, how can she be gone? I know she is in heaven, that she no longer has to deal everyday with the pain she had so much of during her life. I know she is at peace and is happy. She watches over us. I still yearn for death to come and take us, most every day. We long to be with her, not here in this life without her.
It's four am and I am sitting here missing you. The tears come that I try so hard to hide all the time. I have to be the strong one right now. There will be plenty of time for these tears...My whole life ahead without you. Just the thought of what's ahead...emptiness and pain the rest of my life, is terrifying.
How do we go on without you?
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