Every night, for sometime now, my husband will go into our daughters room after dinner, before he gets ready for bed. He goes in there to pray, and to talk to Jennifer. A few days ago, I asked him if he would like me to go in there with him. Not to intrude on his personal time with Jennifer, but to just be there for him, and to pray with him.
As I have mentioned previously, my husband doesn't really have "faith", he has always been on the fence about God and if there is indeed a higher power, as some people like to call God. He has been searching for a very long time, in respect to someone or something that is real. And now, since our daughter passed away, his search has intensified. He want so badly to believe in the after life. To know that his daughter is ok, and that he will be with her again.
I myself am a spiritual person. Now the purpose of this post is not to get into the whole religion debate, it is just to tell you some of the things that I personally believe in. I am not here to say that one person's beliefs, or religion that they belong to is wrong or right. These are only my personal thoughts on my relationship with God.
I feel tremendous pain for my husband as I watch this battle he wages with himself, so wanting to believe, wanting God's help and asking Jennifer for signs for him to know she is ok. All I can do is be there with him and give him all my support.
I know that Jennifer is there at his side each and every night, and I know that she is giving him signs, he just can't see them. It's ironic in a way, that she is trying so hard for him to see the things she is trying to share, and he is trying so hard to see something. But first I believe that he needs to somehow find away to forgive himself for all his regrets. He needs to stop punishing himself. I pray each night that He will help him find what he needs.
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