Well I haven't gotten comfortable with the new blog yet, but I have all these emotions swirling around in me, and I have to have a place to get them out. Tomorrow I plan on spending the day with the new blog, but until tomorrow...My therapist that I have been seeing, has asked me what types of books I have been reading, after I told her that I am an avid reader, and I am always on my Kindle. So she asked me what kinds of books have I read since Jennifer passed.
I told her that I have read a lot of books about mediums, about the afterlife, about Heaven, and reuniting with my Jennifer. She asked me if I had read any books specifically about grief, and losing your child. I told her no I haven't. So she suggested that I find some books dealing with that.
So I did, and found a book titled, "Grief and the loss of your child". It's not a very long book, but as I was reading the introduction, I could already feel my eyes begin to burn. On to the first chapter, as I was reading, tears are already filling my eyes. By the second chapter I was full on crying. The pain I felt was like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest.
I never made it to the third chapter. By then I was crying so hard, I would never have been able to read the words.
Tony asked me what was wrong, so I told him what the therapist had suggested I read, and to be completely honest the only thing I got out of the little bit I had read was pain. The other books offered hope, where all I got from the two chapters I read of this other book was pain.
Why would she want to put me in a position where I would feel more pain than I already felt on a daily basis?
This will be the question for her on my next appointment.
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